Are we only what we think we are?

If i think it, is that all I am? It worries me that I have nothing but questions and no answers. I am questioning my capabilities. I have all these questions about myself, about who I am and what my purpose is. With all these questions, I am like a tumbleweed, blowing back and forth with changes in the wind.

Why am I so afraid of being stronger?

Why do I almost want this to fail? I really feel like I can do this, that I am capable of doing what I see others doing, what i should have been doing. But i see the chain of command and see that I have little wiggle room to be free to do what I think needs to get done. or is that just an excuse?

What I see is a man who is willing to move forward because he has a vision, a goal, a purpose and even with all the hardships we are having, he is willing to put his faith in others to get this tour pulled off. In some way, he seems capable of letting others work but at the same time is very controlling, or is it he's just on top of things? i think it is a little bit of both. He is willing to push forward. He must because it is his purpose and without pushing forward, maybe he has nothing? I feel torn, but without commitment, I am without a home.

I suppose that my purpose right now is to learn from those around me and keep peace within even though everything around me is a whirlwind of chaos. This tour is really stretching me.

I just feel strange at the moment. I am not unhappy, I am not sad. I just feel strange.

I know, I saw this poster in my boss' office:

RISK:
You can't discover new oceans until you are willing to lose sight of the shore.

Maybe I am just losing site of the shore, and I am a little apprehensive about this.

I am discovering new oceans...

finally an answer